I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
