Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
