Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My penis needs a shock collar
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
