I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
