the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
