Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This baby is an asshole
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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