i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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