i will never coherently bang her
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
