The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
