I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
