My friends, they love my intelligence
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
