I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
