Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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