Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
