sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
