But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
