She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
