Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
