She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
