i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
