All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
