i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
