I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I understand Curling. That high.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
