the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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