Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
