i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
