you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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