Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
