Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish my penis had an off switch
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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