I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
