And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
