she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
