i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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