All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
