This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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