I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You are the jesus of drinking
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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