dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
