call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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