and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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