I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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