A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
