i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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