he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
