But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
