So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
