the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
