This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
