Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
