I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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