kristin has been a bad kristin
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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