I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
