??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
